De Puta Madre: Ibiza
Finally; my first ‘ultimate clubbing experience’ on party-island Ibiza, and just my luck the torrential rains decide to pour down for a week for the first time in 10 years! The island known for its white beaches, blue waters and beautiful people was awash with soggy socialites with nowhere to rest their laurels. Correction- escapism is what Ibiza is all about, so while the gods were not in favour of us spit-braining ourselves an exotic shade of Balearic brown; you can bet we got more than a mighty big ear full of club culture, shimmying to the select sounds of the best dj’s on the planet. Yeah, it wasn’t what they promised on the brochure, but we’ll take it…
Ibiza is certainly an existence unto its own; tailor made to wine, dine and ease the mind; it’s a life size playground in paradise and hedonism is the order of the day. Every single day. I’m told Ibiza workers tune into the news for a shot of reality TV when delusion is on the verge of becoming a K-hole of no return. Yes, I said that. Basically, it’s our answer to Vegas and whether you’re rolling with Kevin, Perry and going large in San An, or riding high on a rubber dingy to the Blue Marlin beach club from your yacht, there’s a place for you to play. Anything can happen in Ibiza… and will. So there’s only one rule; let the magical island vibe guide you and trust you will experience what they mean when they say ‘Ibiza Fucking Island!’
Island politics pretty clearly dictate the type of vacation you’re bound to have based on where you leave you luggage and you need to know this before you book. If you’re going for the cheap beer, T ‘n A and consider coming to, 6 days later with a Northern accent and an I heart Ibiza key ring pierced through your ear lobe as a successful trip- take a left and head West at the next exit. If you want to experience island style Electronic Dance Culture, West side is otherwise only a pre-party pilgrimage for a sunset showdown later in your stay- for a real underground adventure; come with me…
My theory is, if you’re going to do Ibiza, do it properly, and with South Africa’s White Isle representatives, Team Goldfish, as our guides, we indulged a front row tour of the islands best parties, people and Paella. From dancing behind the dj box with Sander Kleinenberg and Trentemoller at Pacha; sunning ourselves next to the gazelles on Salina’s beach- ‘hot’ doesn’t even touch sides in reference to these good looking humans- no wonder the place is repute for couple breakdown!- to discovering audio orgasm with James Zabiela at We Love Space and coining the expression ‘Jesus Jones!’ as the only way to fathom what he did us…
There was also being in the VIP room with Loco Dice, dancing with Satoshie to Villalobos, a tipped hat and German Greetz from Mr Vath himself outside Cocoon and tapas with Faithless while The Fish churned out their Jazzy-Afro beats at Mambo. -The only moment of being truly star stuck that I’ll ever admit to; resulting in my spilling Sangria on my leg which Maxi kindly offering to mop up with a £20 note- that man is an icon and I will forever be a slave to his music! Yes, it’s pretty safe to say we did Ibiza proper.
So, here’s a finger to the rain and sneaky low 5 to a quality bottle of fake tan; party vacation of a lifetime? Absolutely. Worth repeating? Without a doubt. Which reminds me- EDM SA needs shares in a villa- I’m coming round to do a collection. Ibiza Fucking Island indeed.
